Just when you think you’ve heard every tech pitch out there, along comes an app that lets men use their penises to log on.
Fair Warning: This post contains suggestive images and a whole load of innuendos.
Perpetual innovators in the online porn arena CamSoda.com have just given men an excuse to take pictures of their penis. Wait… what… why… well it’s for security, stupid.
Granted, some men don’t need an excuse to snap pics of their little soldier standing to attention and in fact share them rather too freely online with a much-confused world, but this is, for real, dick-based biometric security. Appropriately, it’s called Dick-ometrics.Dickometrics gives guys a genuine excuse to have those pictures on their phone Click To Tweet
Whether that excuse will fly as a startled partner comes across those pics while innocently browsing for that cute picture of Humphrey the cat eating a sausage (and no, that’s not a metaphor, get your mind out of the gutter already!) remains to be seen, however.Like a fingerprint or eyeball, the penis has many differentiating factors Click To Tweet
“Like a fingerprint and an eyeball, which are two of most commonly used body parts in biometric technologies, the penis has many, many differentiating factors like size, color and vein protrusion,” explains CamSoda VP Darren Press.
Founded in 2014, CamSoda.com is an entertainment webcam platform where you can sign up as a model and broadcast live shows for other members or browse the huge online community, paying credits to interact with the models via webcam on your mobile. For users of such services, security is clearly an issue, and having thought long and hard about it, the company saw a gap in the market where they could innovate.Cybersecurity is becoming a bigger issue for many users Click To Tweet
During the log-in process, instead of typing in a password, users will have the option to upload a picture of their penis (preferably an aroused penis, which has more differentiating qualities for verification and are more secure). Using proprietary Penis Recognition Tech or PRT, CamSoda is able to match that photograph with a previously supplied one, and verify the user.
No one can object to this stiffening up of security and I seriously doubt any CamSoda user will have trouble laying their hands on the necessary tool, but as it turns out, there’s even more innovation coming down the pipe. Dick-ometrics is only the tip of the iceberg, as it turns out. Next up they’re planning on introducing “Penisprints”.
Like a fingerprint, users will place their penis on a reader that can look at skin composition and temperature, which adds a layer to security. It also plans to develop similar technology for women.
This all sounds great and I am all for more secure way to enjoy the pleasures of the Internet but I am not sure my phone’s touch screen will thanks me. At least most of them are waterproof and washable these days.
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